INFJ (Enneagram 9) and ENTP (Enneagram 5) Relationship

As most of you know from reading my previous blog post, I am an INFJ woman married to an ENTP male. But what we most recently discovered are our enneagram types.  And I wanted to do a second blog post on our relationship for a couple reasons: A) my husband has been home a LOT more often and we’ve gotten to know each other a LOT better, so I feel I have a better perspective on this now, and B) because adding our enneagram types in there adds a whole new dynamic to it.

For those of you have not taken the Enneagram personality test, I would totally recommend it. Although it isn’t as specific as MBTI, it definitely uncovers a few more aspects to your personality to help you understand yourself and others better. This whole quarantine, I have found myself chuckling at enneagram memes on Instagram and how weirdly accurate they are.  So if you’re interested, the one I took can be found by clicking the link —> HERE.

So, let’s jump into the whole Enneagram business. There are personality types 1-9, and is structure in the chart I’ve added here.

I won’t even pretend to understand it all yet, so I’ll let all the people smarter than me do all the explaining on that whole “fear”, “image”, “anger” thing.  If you’d like to educate us all, feel free to comment below!

That being said, what I do know is that I am a type 9 (Mediator and Peacemaker) and my husband is a type 5 (Observer and Thinker), which I think is pretty congruent with our MBTI types of INFJ and ENTP as well.

Here’s a brief overview according to The Enneagram Institute:

Type 5: The intense, cerebral type: Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive, and Isolated. They are alert, insightful, and curious. They can become detached, yet high-strung and intense. People who are an example of this type include: Albert (freaking) Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Stephen King, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, and Jane Goodall.

Pause. Let that soak in for a minute. I’m married to an Albert Einstein-type guy…. yeesh.

Type 9: The easy-going, self-effacing type: Receptive, Reassuring, Agreeable, and Complacent.  They are accepting, trusting, and stable.  They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. They hate conflict, but tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. People who are an example of this type include: Claude Monet, Zooey Deschanel, Walt Disney, Audrey Hepburn, and Mr. Rogers.

So let’s get this straight… My husband and my relationship is like Mark Zuckerberg marrying Zooey Deschanel… and I’m pretty sure Jess from New Girl is pretty close to how Zooey is in real life.

Pretty much.

Here’s a brief sketch of what our day-to-day looks like:

Type 5’s always have to be doing SOMETHING. As a Type 9, I definitely don’t but I have to be doing something while he’s doing something to make it fair.

On Saturday mornings, I usually get up a little bit before he does because I use this as MY alone time, my “me” time. I’ll read a book, have my morning cup of coffee, watch nonsense TV, or write. As soon as my husband (we’ll call him K), comes downstairs he is cooking, cleaning, tidying, or starting a new project. I instantly feel lazy and don’t want him to get mad at me for sitting on the couch and not helping, so I get up and do anything that looks like it needs to be done.

Type 5’s capability to think about something WHILE they’re doing something else is beyond impressive.

When K gets home from work, he is almost silent for the first 15 minutes to an hour. Once he eats dinner, he needs at LEAST an hour completely by himself playing video games.  And he’s mentioned before that he thinks and problem solves various dilemmas and problems WHILE playing video games…. If someone asked me to even think about what I wanted to eat for dinner while being entirely submersed in a Harry Potter book, that is entirely impossible for me and I’m amazed that he can actually do that.

Type 5’s capability to think PERIOD is impressive.

K is by FAR the most intelligent person I’ve ever met. He has an eidetic memory, comes back with witty remarks without missing a beat, and problem solves in record breaking time.  I feel like I’m always 10 steps behind him when it comes to our thought processes, and I feel like I’m a fairly intelligent person.  Not only that, he is CONSTANTLY listening to podcasts, skimming through books, teaching himself how to fix/build things, and just cramming his brain with new information.

Type 9’s need time and space to think in the midst of confrontation, whereas Type 5’s want to fix it right then.

K is a fixer. If he doesn’t like something, he wants to fix it immediately. If I see something I don’t like, I hold onto it. I tell myself it’s not a big deal and definitely not worth confronting him about. But what happens is I do that one thing, then two things, then three, then several… until I explode at him one day for everything he had done wrong in the last month or two. Now, I admit… that’s a horrible way to go about things and I’m definitely working on it.  But what he has had to work on is allowing me the space to think about things when he comes up to me with some criticism or problem with our relationship. I need time to absorb the information and internalize it, then figure out how I felt about it. But for a long time, he thought I was just running away and shutting down. He hated that we couldn’t just sit down and talk it out right then and there.

Okay, Type 9’s are indecisive, y’all, but it’s because we are trying to think about things from so many different angles. As you might have guessed, Type 5’s do not have that problem.

Recently, I asked K if he liked my hair better blonde or brunette because I’ve had both.  He rolled his eyes and said, “Stop trying to get out of making a decision by asking me to make it for you. It’s your hair. Take ownership.”

“But I just want to know what you like! You’re the one who has to look at me,” I had argued. Yes. Ridiculous, I know. He was right, I was trying to get out of making that decision, because.. honestly, my hair doesn’t look bad either way.  I like different things about both colors. As silly as it sounds, brunette makes me feel more dark and mysterious and kind of serious, but blonde seemed more playful and striking against my brown eyes.  And this how us Type 9’s think about EVERYTHING.  I can’t even choose what I want for brunch without asking the wait staff, “Which would you recommend out of the [blank] and [blank]?” Yup. It’s that bad.

Type 5’s seem to be good at almost everything they do. Or maybe that’s just my husband.

I thought creativity was my thing, so one day (when we were still dating and I hadn’t figured him out yet), I came up with the brilliant plan to have an art day and paint together. We rounded up our supplies from Hobby Lobby, complete with a Bob Ross instruction video, and got to work. I couldn’t wait to impress him with my painting skills and creativity. We picked our different landscapes, and hunched over our separate canvases. I was about halfway done with mine, when I took a break and walked around to take a peek at his piece to, you know, see if I could give him any pointers or help him out at all….. I kid you not, he had painted a Bob Ross-worthy mountain landscape and my jaw hit the friggin’ floor.  He had admitted prior to painting that he had NEVER painted before.  How was he so good at this already?!  From ONE Bob Ross instruction video!  And he has been impressing me ever since. He built a beautiful, ornate mud bench with a coat rack and cubbies in our first house together – first try. He built our rustic king size bed frame complete with a TUFTED HEADBOARD – first try.  Type 5’s are impressive and like energizer bunnies. It’s incredible.

 

Being married to a Type 5 as a Type 9 can be a little difficult. He can make me feel lazy and stupid sometimes just by being so hardworking and smart. But I can’t think of more impressive individuals than the Type 5’s of the world. I do hope Type 5’s get just as much from their Type 9’s as we do from them.  I’ll take time to write more about Type 5’s and Type 9’s in a different post to keep this from becoming a novel.  As always, thanks for reading and please drop a comment below to let me know what you think!

An INFJ Woman in Quarantine – Week 5

The first week was absolute bliss, y’all. My ENTP husband was working from home, which entailed checking his email 3 times a day and playing video games for hours. I binge-watched Netflix, baked all the things, and cleaned all the things. We got Disney+ and I was reminiscing on all my favorite movies, lighting my favorite candles to make the house smell amazing, and doing yoga every morning.

It’s week 5… and all that has completely turned upside down. I’m definitely an introvert, but I am hurting for human interaction. I even miss being able to go to a coffee shop and sip my vanilla latte near other people – not necessarily interacting, but just being in the same room and enjoying the space. I’m tired of TV and movies… something I never thought would EVER happen to me. I feel unproductive, lazy, and kinda trapped. I can only go on so many walks around my neighborhood before I even get bored with that. Much like most INFJs, I love my alone time…. but I am missing people right about now.

I think what makes matters worse in my case is that I was one test away from gaining my teaching credential. My plan was to substitute teach for the rest of the semester (starting in March), then apply/interview for jobs all summer. My life has come to an abrupt halt. And I know it could most definitely be worse. I’m thankful to have a husband whose job was not affected by COVID-19, in fact, I’ve gotten to spend a lot of quality time with him these past several weeks. But I’m feeling very…. worthless at the moment. I was on my way to pursuing my passion for teaching, and now I’m just waiting it out and there is nothing I can do to help the situation right now.

I wondered if there were any other INFJs out there who feel the same way? I hate to be whining about my situation when it’s really not that bad, but I can’t help but feel what I feel. I have a deep desire to make a difference in the world and I definitely want to help my little family by bringing in some income. Not being able to do either of those things has got me a little down. My other problem is that I hate asking friends to FaceTime or call because I feel like I’m bothering them. Which I know is probably silly. They may need someone to talk to just as much as I do.

Right now, all I can do is wait and try to work on myself in the process. I’ve taken up meditation, trying new recipes for dinner, and my husband and I built a pergola in our backyard (well, he built it and I handed him tools). For all my fellow INFJs – or any other type – out there who are feeling the same way, hang in there. You’re not alone. Try to find small projects around the house that make you feel productive, pick up a hobby that you always wanted to try, schedule a FaceTime date with a friend…. I even know someone who takes a karaoke machine out in their driveway every weekend to sing to his neighbors. I’d never be brave enough to do that, but if that’s your thing, go for it! I know it’s difficult and even with all the projects and efforts to keep busy, it can still get to you. But don’t lose hope, and don’t let this pandemic get you down. We are all in this together, even if we are separated right now.

My Experience With TEACH-NOW

So… I know what you’re thinking. I thought the same thing.

TEACH-NOW? That’s got to be a scam right? It definitely sounds scammy.

Not only that, but the cost of this 9-month, completely online teacher preparatory program is only $6,000. Most local brick-and-mortar programs I had researched up until that point cost at LEAST $15,000 and took a year and a half to 2 years to complete.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s this: if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

So, naturally, I was skeptical. Having a teaching credential after only 9 months and $6,000 and having the flexibility to learn completely online? As a military spouse who had the possibility of moving at any moment, a 100% online program was a must. As a woman who had just paid off over $70,000 in student loan debt from undergraduate and graduate school in a completely different field, paying an extra $20,000 for a simple teaching CREDENTIAL seemed ridiculous. And as someone who had spent 7 years working for a career I ended up hating, 2 more years seemed like a lifetime. So… despite my skepticism, I spent months researching TEACH-NOW. I watched YouTube videos on it, read reviews until my eyes burned, had multiple representatives walk me through the process, looked up their accreditations, and even had my mom do her own research to get a second opinion.

The results? Aside from a silly name and a too-good-to-be-true vibe, TEACH-NOW turned out to be completely legit. So I enrolled.

How it works: TEACH-NOW has accreditations for Washington D.C., Arizona, and (just now added) Hawaii. So when you first apply for your credential at the end of your program, you will apply through one of those 3 states.  Once you have gotten your credential through one of those states, you can use your new credential to apply as an out-of-state applicant for a credential in your home state. Every state has different requirements for out-of-state applicants, so make sure you do your research by looking at the Department of Education website for your state.

I began my program in June and ended in February and here’s the scoop on TEACH-NOW as a whole:

Pros:

• You have a different teacher for each Module (which varies from a couple weeks to a couple months) – this brings various perspectives and switches things up to make it interesting
• They walk you through the whole process of getting your credential in one of their three states
• Most of their teachers are helpful, understanding, and all-around incredible
• You are placed with a cohort of other students based on the time you begin your program. Your cohort members could be from literally anywhere in the world! It’s so interesting and eye-opening to interact with people from so many different countries. You spend the entire 9-month program with these people and develop close friendships. I have a WhatsApp chat still going with my cohort members even months after our program ended.
• The platform is easy to use and intuitive (I’ll post a picture below). It’s kinda like a FaceBook for TEACH-NOW members only. You can look at your grades, your assignments, view archived videos from other cohorts, view your checklist of requirements for your state-of-choice, chat with other cohort members, and more.
• The program is rigorous, but over in 9 months.
• It’s cheap, and you can pay over time INTEREST FREE!
• You have the flexibility to attend class from anywhere in the world that has WiFi
• You can complete your student teaching in your home state

Cons:

• The program is rigorous, and you only have 9 months.  It starts out fairly easy and slow as you’re getting used to the program and the technology, but by the time you start student teaching, your workload is a little ridiculous.
• Some mentor teachers and sponsoring school districts are a little skeptical of working with TEACH-NOW for some reason. At least mine was.
• You have to find your own school district and mentor for student teaching, which usually wouldn’t be a problem, but I had a little trouble since I’m not from the area I live in and I didn’t really know anyone.
• It’s hard to know who to contact within TEACH-NOW with various questions. It would be helpful if they created a page on their platform that listed contact information for different departments.

Overall, my experience with TEACH-NOW was a very positive one. I enjoyed my teachers – shoutout to Dr. Moser – and loved working with everyone in my cohort.  I feel adequately prepared to be a teacher. I’m just waiting for this COVID-19 stuff to clear up so I can take my last Praxis exam, and then submitting all of my stuff to Washington D.C. Then I will, hopefully, be a fully licensed teacher!

If any of you career-changers out there are looking to become a teacher and need the same flexibility that I did, I would be more than happy to walk you through my experience with TEACH-NOW in more detail!

Thanks for tuning in!

Also, here’s a pic of the TEACH-NOW platform. Like I said, super easy to use and very intuitive!